push ups

So I've made it my mission to really be able to do push ups well. I can now do 21 in a row that are good and I don't slow down TOO much. Just if your wondering, I don't mean those weenie girl push ups ;) I do full on real push ups. I usually want to quit at about 10, but always keep going. I started out doing 15 and I do 20 (or more) now. I don't really have a plan. I usually just do as many as I can consistently then stop. Then I just do a set number after. I sometimes wonder if I can actually do more than I do, but I guess I don't want to set my standards too high. You know, I do like to improve. That probably sounds funny. I'm not sitting at the gym pretending I'm maxing out on something just so I can improve the next week, but I don't go till I fall. I go till I feel like I can't to anymore (which usually means I can get 1 MAYBE 2 more out.)

I'm tired. I just got this rush of tiredness over me. I would love to just curl up with my love and fall asleep. I miss having him around. He's the best cuddler EVER. I let myself cry today. Not a proud moment, but I have only cried I think 3 times since he left almost 3 weeks ago. I think that's OK. That includes the night he left... I have 51 more days until I leave for his graduation. I absolutely can not wait! I can't wait to get out of town, I can't wait to see my honey, and the list goes on and on.

I've slipped up on my eating JUST a little. I've let myself eat more junk at work than usual. Gonna have to fix that starting.. umm.... NOW. Because frankly, like I've said before, I'm only cheating myself.

Now off to find something else entertaining to do...

Eating...

I've got to eat. My two days off I had a total of 3 bowls of cereal, a part of a piece of cake and some ice cream (my second mothers birthday), an apple and a yogurt. wtf? I feel sick when I eat and I feel starving when I don't eat. So stupid... I've started to force feed. If that's what it's gonna take, it must be done! I just went grocery shopping too! got lots of good stuff! Ton's of fruit... boy do I love fruit. I got banana's, apples, cherries, strawberries and a pineapple! yum! I've got to cut them up and organize tomorrow. I got some veggies too. Not sure what to do with it all yet. I did pretty good last time as far as preserving it all and using it. When bub's home I tend to let things go to waste, but with my new eating habits it's a lot harder to do that.

Anywho... as a result of my lack of eating and poor eating I went to the gym, ran 3.5 miles and was done. I was so sick and dizzy feeling it was ridiculous. It was abs and push ups night and I just did 20 push ups and went home. There I ended up doing 30 sit ups and 20 leg lifts and curls. Oh well. I've learned my lesson. Even though eating doesn't sound good... DO IT ANYWAY.

I got another letter from bub! SO good to hear from him! :) He's doing well it sounds. It's of course hard, but he sounds as good as one could. I miss him terribly. My heart just hurts everyday it's stupid and awesome all in one.

Anyway, just rambling... have a good night :)

TWO minute phone call!

Oh yeah, you heard it right! I got a TWO minute phone call today! FREAKIN AWESOME! Especially since my last 2 were only 1 minute long. Anyway, he sounds good, other than he was losing his voice because of all the yelling. Poor honey.. :( Anyway, we found out we're getting BAH which is AWESOME. It's like $1200 extra a month! SWEEEET! So he started basic on Thursday which is the other good news. That means his last day SHOULD be on Oct 22nd, which is our 2 year anniversary! Wouldn't that we sweet!?

I worked out today. Did an hour and 10 minutes of cardio. No running. Ran yesterday, it was a pain in the ass. Not literally, but man, I felt like poop. Then I did back and bi's, which consisted of pull ups (I still suck, but it's getting better), back extensions, smith machine pull ups, assisted pull ups and hammer curls. Over all a good work out. Increasing weights just a little so I get stronger with out bulking out. Then today I did chest and tri's. I did those damn skull crushers again and I'm obviously getting stronger because they don't suck as much. The whole reason they sucked before was because I wasn't strong enough to do them. Anyway, I'm rambling. Night!

Weigh in suckers!

So I weighed in on Tuesday as usual and I'm down 2.4 lbs to 158! waahooo! I'm a half a pound off of what my lowest has been so far!! WOOT! I'm hoping next week I'll majorly get below! :D I have good thoughts going that way ;)

Anyway, I think I've been doing rather awesome at the gym. I feel tired, but great after every work out. I've kinda stepped away from the big weights unless it's like chest :) And really all I do is bench press. I don't see any harm in that. Everything else is just my body weight. LOTS of cardio and body weight stuff. Ton's of abs, squats throwing a 10 lb medicine ball up at a wall, push ups of all varieties, back extensions, dips, pull ups... lots of things that don't require weights, just me.

So yeah, that's whats goin on so far. Still haven't heard from my honey since Friday. Well, besides a letter that he wrote on Thursday with a bunch of info I already know. It was great though.

I go lightspeed!!!

Ok, maybe not light speed, but better than I thought! I ran 2 miles in 17:03 today and total surprised myself. I basically went off of what I have done and thats usually when i get to 2 miles or more it's at the fastest an average of 9 minute miles or more. like when I did my 4 mile run, they were 10 minute miles. Well If you calculate these 2 miles out, that's 8:30 miles! freakin' awesome! Another awesome thing is my last recorded fastest mile was 7:59, so to run 2 miles only 30 seconds on average slower... i'm amazed. I think I may need to recheck my mile. I think I can do better than that now. Anyway, I've started a regime to help my pull ups too. I want to be able to do one by the time Bub gets home. at least one. I did 5 with a 40 lbs assist, so I guess I technically pulled up almost 120 lbs! YAY! It was very poor, but I did it.

Still eating healthy, all whole foods. Today was oatmeal, cottage cheese, apple, egg beaters, cherries, turkey sammich and yogurt. YUM! :D

Weigh in is tomorrow. We'll see how that turns out.

Isn't it great when you're just sitting, thinking and a memory pops in? It could be 5 years ago or 5 minutes ago. This one happened to be 5 minutes ago. It made me giggle :)

Anywho, still no word from my honey since Friday when he needed the least faxed.. I hope I get a phone call or letter soon. I could really use it. I worry sometimes, but then realize he's probably ok. He's a pretty tough dude.

That's all... :)

WWOOHOOO!!!

First off, I got phone call numero DOS this morning! It was strictly business (needing a copy of the lease so he can get BAH) but it was AWESOME to hear his voice. He sounded a lot less frazzled this time, either that or the phone was ton's better (which it sounded like it was). At any rate it was awesome, but i'm coming to expect a call every morning which I KNOW is not going to continue to happen. He's set to start basic on Wednesday so from there on out I'm not expecting much.

Second! (i love these list things) I worked out today. Something moderately easy on the cardio. 20 minutes on the elliptical for 2.5 miles, 12 minutes on the bike (and holy shit was I sweating) for 3.5 miles. I just went on to do some non weighted things. 30 regular sit ups, 15 REAL push ups (not that girly crap ;)) 20 cross over crunches for each side, 5 close hand push ups (just below the shoulder, I SUCK at these), 60 flutter kicks on a 2 count, 15 more regular push ups, 20 leg raises to a crunch, aaaand (this is what i'm most proud of) FIVE five count push ups! If you don't know what a 5 count push up, or a 5 count anything is than listen up! 5 count is when you do everything in 5 counts, you know 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. So push ups it's a 5 count down and a 5 count up. SLOW count. About a second each. It's HARD. You should try it. And finally I ended with 10 excruciatingly hard sit ups. My abs were just burnt!! As for my food I had a bowl of cereal, taco salad, strawberries, grapes, turkey sammich and cottage cheese. Also, mark another day I did NOT have any candy or goodies at work! That's day 3! May seem silly to some people but this is a HUGE weakness for me.

I'm going to take it easy tomorrow as I'm a little shaky today from workin out so hard these last couple of days. I may just go on a walk. Anywho, that's all.

A list of things...

Yes, I have a list of things. This isn't about one thing or another, it's about a list.

First off, my love left. Sad sad day for the both of us. I haven't heard from him in a whole day now, which is different, but ok. I know he'll be fine. He said he wants to make me proud. He'll make me proud no matter what, I know it. We've figured out his graduation is either going to be hopefully October 16 or October 23. I'm hoping the latter of the 2 (seems silly to want the further away one I know) but Oct 22 would be our 2 year anniversary, so that'd be awesome to spend it with him. I miss him like freakin crazy, but I refuse to let this time away be a hinder to either one of us. We will both become stronger, better people.

Numero Dos. My food journal for today. I feel the need to write it out because I'm DAMN proud of it. When W left, the next day and did some HEALTHY grocery shopping. I mean seriously healthy. Not one piece of processed food. It's awesome. I love looking in my fridge. I got cherries and grapes that I separated and bagged, and ground turkey and yogurt and all kinds of good stuff... SEE!



So on with the journal.

Woke up and had a bowl of honey bunches of oats (not the BEST, but bub bought some before he left and I figured i'd finish the box. It's a good transition move).

Went to the gym, came home and had a cut up tomato and cottage cheese. Good protein from the cottage cheese.

Lunch had a Turkey and cheese sammich on wheat. yum!

Dinner I had a Taco salad, with the meat being made out of the ground turkey! lettuce, spinach, tomato, little bit of shredded colby jack, turkey taco meat and about 2 tbsp's of spicy ranch dressing. YUM! that was seriously delish!

My last 2 snacks will be a banana and/or a yogurt. Depends on if i'm hungry for both. Maybe just one. I didn't get a middle snack because my lunch and dinner were too close and I like to eat my dinners fairly early.

So yeah! There it is! I think the main reason I'm so proud is because lately, I've been munching at work. People have all kinds of snacks and treats at work and I always take a bite here and a bite there. Those are one to many bites. I asked a friend what's a good method. He said it's just like any other mind setting task. You just have to put your mind to it, get through it a couple times, then it'll eventually not even matter. Another good something I heard was for people who sneak food. You're only hurting yourself. Like if you say "i'm on a diet" but then grab a burger on the way home. You're only cheating yourself. Why do that?

On to number THREE! I took my last birth control pill on Sunday! YAHOO!!! I haven't been able to tell a serious difference yet, but I'm hoping to come the next week or so. If you're reading this and have no idea what I'm talking about let me explain. For awhile I'd been noticing some negative things about myself. I got real depressed, anxious, worrisome. I always thought something bad was going to happen. That's not me. I'm an optimist! I had lower back pains and uncontrollable emotions. I got mad or irritated at the smallest things. I chalked it up to living with a man. haha! Honestly though. It all started when W moved in with me, so I figured that was it. Ironically, it also happened when I started taking my BC. So after doing some research I found I'm not the only one with these symptoms. There's HUNDREDS. So I decided when W left, I'd stop. I don't NEED it, as I'll have no one to bump dirties with and hopefully it will help clear up my emotions! haha!

Anyway. Lots going on in life and I've come up with several ideas to help pass the time with out my honey. If you need help, wanna hang, ANYTHING, I'm free. Well, except for when I have to go to the gym. That's a must ;)

4 Days till im wheels up.

Well I have four more days of freedom, and im gonna do my best to enjoy every second. I leave for Ft. Knox Kentucky in four days for training with the U.S. Army, or as I like to call it summer camp. I'm not all that nervous about the actual training, i've actually been somwhat anxious to start. My only reservation is leaving the love of my life for the next 6 to 7 months, its gonna be hard. We are in a great place in our relationship right now so im confident that this separation will only make us a stronger couple. We've come a long way living together for more than a year now, lots of ups and downs but for the last several months we've really come together. Im looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her and I know that 7 months is just a drop in the bucket.

I think my biggest fear as far as basic training is the possibility of failure due to somthing I can't control. I'm 27 years old and going into Army basic training with a bunch of 18 and 19 year olds, so im gonna be the old man. It's going to be tough but it's somthing i've wanted all my life. I tried to enlist in 2001 but I was too fat to join. I then tried in 2005 but again was too big so I put myself through the police academy. Well here I am again and this time it worked, the army lowered its standards just enough for me to get in.
Once im done at Ft. Knox I head down to Ft. Samhouston,tx and lucky for me it'll be winter so not so hot, thank god. I joined as a combat medic and this is where I will be going to school to get my medic training. Ill be there for about 16 or 17 weeks provided all goes well.

Well anyway i'll be gone for a while training and missing loved ones, namely my girl. I'm hopeing i'll be so busy that the time goes quickly, but I know it still won't be fast enough.

8 days...

So yup, I know it's dumb to count down the days till he leaves but I can't help think about it. I want to be strong, but I know there will be points where i'll just break down. He has become part of my life, my everyday and I wouldn't change one second of it. Ultimately what I'll have to learn to do is just learn to live with out him for now. I know I sound lame and worthless, but I love this man. I love being with him, being around him and wouldn't choose to be away from him. Yes we live our own lives, yes we can do things apart, but simple things like going to bed... alone... just breaks my heart. I'm going to use this time apart as a time for me to grow, to be a better woman for him and me. This will start by getting off these damn birth control pills. I think they're effecting my body and emotions in ways I don't like so, I'm going to get off them and hope it helps. Second, I've got to hit the gym.. hard. I mean on days off, 2 a days. What better do I have to do? Unless of course I have plans. Third, eating better. I need to start thinking of food as fuel. Limit the bad and load up on the good. I want to look good, feel good and act good.

I'll end with one of my favorite quotes...

"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; It extinguishes the small and kindles the great." ~Roger de Bussy-Rabutin